wanna go halves on a baby?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Is it because I queefed?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
