I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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