yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
