K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
