so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
look no pants
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
