maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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