i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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