A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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