The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize