umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
