You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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