Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize