Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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