apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I did not marry a roomba.
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