Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
wanna go halves on a baby?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
