he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize