Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The best revenge is premature balding
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
