i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
