no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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