Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
