you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
