tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize