I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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