that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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