my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Actions speak louder than pants.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
