My brain says no but my pants say off.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
BRING THE BAGELS
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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