here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I DEMAND FORESKIN
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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