remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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