I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
