in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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