what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
