I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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