I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
