Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
