He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my shit smells like andre
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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