I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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