my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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