he shaved USA in his pubs
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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