I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
