took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she peed on how many people?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
