Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Life is so much better after having sex.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This is the high leading the old right now
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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