i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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