She is in my trunk
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
