I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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