youre lurking in front of me
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
