Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
