I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
