omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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