remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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