She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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