Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
