Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize