We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
