FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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