Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
