Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just found a bag of teeth...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Randomize
