No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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