u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
vagina is talking i cant
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
