oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I smell like Dick and happiness
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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