Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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