he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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