they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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