Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
