I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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