I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
