I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
