How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize