They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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