He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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