life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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